Glacier
by Xanrose L
Summary: Kuroko Tetsuya knows how it feels to succumb to a bleak life of loneliness and abandonment, to be well-acquainted with the malaise and tribulation of being forced to go through each day with an incurable numbing void from deep within that refuses to go away. He has lived through it all his life and never, ever want to wish it upon someone else – especially not his friends. AU.


_**Disclaimer:**_

 _ **This is a work of fanfiction using the characters from Kuroko no Basuke (黒子のバスケ**_ _ **), written and illustrated by Tadatoshi Fujimaki and I do not claim any ownership over them. "Glacier" is a non-profitable work created solely for entertainment purpose.**_

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 **Chapter One**

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"I'm going," Kuroko muttered as he gathered his oxford blue shoulder bag that he had propped against the wall next to a shoe cabinet before walking out of the front door as soon as he was done putting on his shoes, not quite expecting a reply as always. It has become more of a habitual mannerism which he had picked up from the early years of his childhood and has yet to get rid of, even though he technically had been living alone in his relatively average-sized apartment complex. It suited him just fine; being alone, that is, and it was not too long before he found himself getting used to it.

The circumstance itself was rather odd and quite implausible in all honesty, for an underage to live on his own without an adult supervision and yet no one made a fuss about it. It might sound like one of those situations that would exist only in fiction, but arguably, here he was. Nevertheless, it is unlikely that the authorities would come knocking any time soon given that it has been a little over two years since he had officially become one of the permanent residents of the building and none of his neighbours showed any sign of being alarmed as of yet.

He did not exactly go out of his way to avoid his neighbours either, and he did see them every now and then when they passed by each other. It was highly impossible not to, being neighbours and all, but he was exceptionally cautious then and greeted them with a polite nod as he went on his way. He knew that he would only end up scaring them should he speaks anyway — his terribly lack of presence often has that effect on people — it could both be a blessing and a curse at times. At least, it had been an immense help in avoiding future conflicts in the long-run. One less trouble to worry about, surely.

The door was locked from the inside, Kuroko made sure of it, as he had been twisting the round doorknob several times over for the sole purpose of safety measure and precaution before tucking his house key inside one of the front pockets of his black polyester pants. He hoisted the thin but durable straps of his bag further upwards on his right shoulder as he walked down the flight of narrow and steep concrete stairs, taking care to being mindful of his sluggish steps although he mostly moved on autopilot. His expression remained listless as per usual, not even a twitch of his facial muscle could serve as a tell-tale indication of his emotional state.

It was still dark outside, nearly 6 A.M. last he checked, give or take a few minutes. The ex-student of Teikō Middle School thoroughly relished in the savoury moment where he could simply breathe in a lungful of fresh air first thing in the morning as a gust of squally wind brushed against his hair and face, finding the sudden drop in temperature was rather welcoming and comforting instead of a bother, considering his standard short-sleeved, white school uniform. In fact, Kuroko adored everything about the general ambiance of it. The quiescent atmosphere, the piercing cold and the pitch-black darkness — it was absolutely perfect.

In retrospect, it was actually a matter of sheer luck that he had decided to go with his instinct and ironed his school uniform the previous night despite the exhaustion in lieu of the morning before school, saving him the trouble as he had nearly overslept regardless of the blaring alarm clock. Otherwise, he most definitely would have been running late on his first day of high school. His arctic blue hair, seemingly still damp from the brisk shower he took — eminent from the way it appeared to be of a darker hue and could be easily mistaken for teal-coloured from the lack of natural light — had been sloppily finger-combed in favour of his left eye, preferring to let it dry on its own instead.

The uniform itself clung to Kuroko's lean-muscled figure just the slightest bit, in a way that flatters his more or less well-kept appearance without it being too tight and uncomfortable, thus not breaking the school dress codes in the process. As a matter of fact, it was one of the older pairs he had since the last few years but thankfully still wearable in spite of it looking a little worn due to the originally pristine tint that has since dulled to chiffon white. A perk of his short stature, perhaps.

Dark circles under the eyes which used to adorn his pale skin, with his pink undertone notably exposed his years of never-ending battle against his inability to have a proper sleep prominently worse for his comfort, have indeed receded with the help of his prescribed medication that he took on a regular basis. He was thankful, but truth be told, it was truly more trouble than it is worth. Speculations were made all around, with majority of them pointed out that his predicament was the after-effect of his own negligence of his health in one way or another. He had heard them all. They simply could not fathom the fact that even if his body was beyond exertion and near collapse, his mind refused to comply with his needs. The cycle was continuous, unbroken.

It was a hassle and not to mention that it had also directly affected his stamina and endurance, which by default resulting in his less than satisfactory performance in the court during his last couple of middle-school years, leaving him with no choice but to strain his body to its limit in order to keep up with the rest of the Generation of Miracles. Even then, it was sub-par at best. His best was not good enough, he knew that right from the start. Compared to his gifted and dexterous friends, it was _never_ enough — but he tried anyway. Foolish.

The whole experience was not so bad prior to his second year of middle-school, when he still had his older brother with him back then where they used to live together in the old district. Looking back, he could almost hear Tsubasa yelling for him to come downstairs and have breakfast before school while it was still hot, urging him to not lag behind and nag him all the way to the front door — much to his chagrin and fond exasperation. His brother was a worrywart by nature, always had been, even with his rough edges. Nothing could possibly be more important to him than family and that was what Kuroko admired about him in the first place, the fact that he was willing to prioritise his family above all else.

Kuroko Tsubasa might be only a couple of years older age-wise, but he took his responsibilities as the oldest child of the two quite seriously that more often than not, he ended up taking on the responsibilities of their parents as well. Evidently, it was him who had raised Kuroko in their parents' stead as they had been struggling with work at odd hours. They provided the basic necessities for the both of them, of course, but it was he who taught Kuroko everything he had ever known. It was him who had been there for the most part of Kuroko's life, just as he had been the one who helped Kuroko discovering his apparent interest in basketball. Kuroko was his pride and joy, the center of his universe.

Standing side by side, it was hard to not perceive both Kuroko and Tsubasa as anything other than blood-related. From their hairstyle, their eyes, their nose, down to the shape of their mouth and even their facial structure — the resemblance was eerily uncanny. It was not so surprising that they became so close in the first place. Wherever one of them went, the other was sure to tag along. If it was not for Tsubasa's black hair, just like their mother's, they could have even passed as identical twins. A double, almost.

He would not admit it out loud, but the warmth he had grown accustomed to after years of being with Tsubasa was gratifyingly pleasant and not a day went by without him missing every moment of it. Alas, after all that was said and done, all good things must come to an end don't they? And all he had left off of him was a forgotten promise...and the uncertainty of what is yet to come.

As Kuroko walked on, he carefully took out his cellphone out of his back pocket and flipped it open, trying not to let his gaze linger on the displayed wallpaper as he did so. A few buttons were hurriedly pressed before the small device was being held against his right ear. He waited in silence, tucking his left hand into one of the front pockets and ignoring the fact it was shaking as his lips pursued into a tight, grim line. His movements became almost robotic with his stiff, small shoulders and his pale turquoise blue eyes arrayed with a pronounced limbal ring around the iris seemed to glaze over, unfocused.

It was awhile before the long-awaited voice came on, the one that he would give the world just to be able to hear it again if he could, in person.

 _"Oi, Tetsu! You cheeky little brat, I've been calling you for five times already! Are you dead? And don't forget that I'm picking you up after school today, you hear me? After that we're eating out at that restaurant you love so much. I'm paying since you've made it to the first string. That's all. Later, little brother. I love you."_

The corner of the Phantom Sixth Man's mouth curved upwards in comparison of a faint reminiscent smile as Tsubasa's gruff voice greeted his ears, as it did every morning. It was hard to miss the way he sounded so very proud over the fact that his brother became one of the regulars. Kuroko's posture relaxed, slowly but surely, as if an unseen weight was lifted off of his shoulders. Gone was the usual blank façade on his face, and in its place was an open book that no one but Tsubasa could decode just as easily as breathing. After all, brothers do understand each other when no one else could even when no words had been spoken, right?

Kuroko ducked his head as Tsubasa's voice trailed to an end, letting his bangs hiding his eyes from sight as he dutifully keeping his cellphone in place. He did not bother to stop himself from replaying his brother's voicemail over and over, resolutely grasping the temporary comfort and consolation as though it was the only thing that kept him from sinking completely into madness.

He made no move to wipe his rapidly reddened eyes as they burned with tears that were cascading down the pathways of his cheeks and rolled down underneath his chin. The droplets spilled on his shoes and the pavement below, one after another, but he did not seem to notice nor did he care about it in the slightest.

The streets were deserted at this hour, the saturninity of the dead air grew and gradually became overpowering that Kuroko could only center himself to the sound of his inconsistent footsteps as well as his own pounding heart, hammering in his chest as beads of cold sweat continued to exude from his pores. Memories upon memories which he thought he had long since buried, surged through his mind from multiple fronts where he could barely keep up. His ragged breath quickened. Too much, it was too much.

He remembered everything so clearly, so vividly as if it had been just yesterday. The brightly-lit streetlights did nothing to help soothing his frightful trepidation. A cold, unknown feeling settled itself in his gut and he wanted nothing more than to just empty himself of whatever he had eaten the night before. His steps faltered. It was bright — so, so bright — he could not help it but being reminded _him._ His grin, his laughter, his voice. Everything about _him_.

Kuroko did not stop walking. He could not afford to, even when it was all blurry and he could barely see whatever is in front of him, he could not stop. Not when he would risk breaking down in the middle of the road, in clear view of passersby who would undoubtedly be taking the route he was on at any given moment. He refused to exhibit his moment of utter weakness in public. Embarrassingly so. Not now, not ever.

He had been all right, hadn't he? He had been fine. He had willed himself to let go and live in the present, leaving traces of his past behind and never to be found ever again. He knew that it was the right thing to do. He had to. Thus why, why did he feel this way now after all this time? Why did he feel like his heart was breaking to pieces all over again? It could not be right. No. Of course not.

Left, right.

Left, right.

 _"Oi, Tetsu! You cheeky little brat -"_

Tsubasa.

 _"- five times already! Are you dead?"_

Tsubasa.

 _"- picking you up at school today, you hear me?"_

Left, right.

 _"- paying since you've made it to the first string."_

Left, right.

 _"Later, little brother. I love you."_

"I miss you, Tsu nii-san, so much." Kuroko whispered, tilting his head upwards as he looked on towards the vast pitch-black curtain that draped over the sky above, knowing that his older brother could not possibly hear him now. His voice wavered at the last few syllables, sounded a little thick and choked on as he held himself back from outright sobbing, yet he forced himself to keep on talking. "Do you know that I worked so hard to be in the first string because of you?"

Kuroko paused, breathing in deeply as he fought to regain his composure. "You loved basketball, nii-san, I didn't but you were so _happy_ it hurts to look at. It was sickening," The small device in his hold was tightly and painfully clutched as he spoke the next words, "It wasn't fair. None of this was. How dare you looked at me like that when you'd known that you'll be leaving me here by myself. You truly are cruel and wicked, nii-san. Do you know that?"

But life itself was never really fair at all, was it?

Be that as it may, but Tsubasa had been his first Light. The kind of Light that outshone even Aomine Daiki at his peak during their middle-school years in Teikō — the kind of Light that he could only dream of ever becoming.

Ultimately, what is the purpose of a Shadow's existence without its Light? After all, a Shadow could not possibly thrive in the dark; for it would simply cease to exist.

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 **End of Chapter One**

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 _Author's Note:_

 _Greetings, everyone! First of all, I would like to know how do you guys like the flow of the story so far. Is there anything that I could fix, perhaps?_

 _As you could probably tell, this is my first time publishing a work of any kind on and yes, I am afraid that Kuroko's out-of-character behaviourism and personality is intended and indeed necessary for the sake of the story's plot line, and I apologise should Kuroko's characterisation throw you off at the beginning. The OOC element is merely an insight into the what if's — what Kuroko would have been like before he adopted his canon personality and the reason why he did so._

 _I doubt that Kuroko's character has always been like that even as a child, and therefore I took it upon myself to make-up a twist to the initial storyline in order for the change to occur, hopefully realistically. As the story progresses, Kuroko's portrayal should be exactly like the original._

 _I am hoping that I could have "Glacier" done by the end of this year! Anyway, do let me know what you guys think in your review and feel free to give me a constructive criticism, advice, etc — it is always welcomed. Until next time!_

 _\- Xanrose L._


End file.
